Life is hard sometimes. Maybe it’s actually hard all the time and sometimes are just exceptionally difficult. The state of the world right now is weighing on me, as I am sure it is weighing on most people. I’m trying to not let it get me down. I’m trying to not let it affect the way I treat people. I’m trying to not let it affect the way I allow people to treat me.

Some people say I have a history of struggling with mental illness, but the older I get (just turned 39, thanks), the more I realize that my unique combinations of life experience and genetics just made me incompatible with society. That doesn’t make me mentally ill. The fact that society keeps telling me that there is something wrong with me because I don’t fit the mold or I refuse to sacrifice my integrity for a paycheck is what sends me into a depressive spiral with a healthy helping of anxiety.

But I see it now and seeing is part of knowing. And so it doesn’t affect me as much. The reactions I receive to my personality are expected now. It sucks that it took me 39 years to get here, though. Oh, the things I would have accomplished if the world hadn’t weighed on me with the expectations to conform. What a waste of time.

This society is broken and needs to be rebuilt. It can’t go back the way it was. It can’t go the way that the current US administration wants it to. It has to be new. We need a society that doesn’t try to make everyone a cog in the machine. That’s how you get a clogged machine, destined to break from day one.

I’ve always been the one to shake things up. Intentionally. Unintentionally. I make people see themselves just by existing in their space. How they react to me is how they react to seeing something that eats them inside.

I’m not a cog in the machine. I’m a mirror. I’m a bridge. I’m a ghost. I am the liminal girl.

NEWS

I started writing entertainment journalism for MovieWeb this past week! All of my articles can be read here.

I will be reading LIVE a new short story at Summer Scares at the Kirkland Arts Center this Saturday, August 30! It’s free! Come on by and listen to other Seattle area horror writers read some spooky stuff!

I will be on a podcast about Frankenstein in the coming weeks. Stay tuned for the link!

I will be tabling with the Seattle chapter of the Horror Writers Association at the Pacific Northwest Writer’s Association Conference in addition to speaking on a panel about romance in horror. September 11 - 14!

Come see me with the Gritty City Sirens at Grotesque Burlesque in Tacoma on October 4! Tickets available now!

I’m back in the 48 Hour Film Project game this October 10-13 for the horror version! If you’re local to the Seattle area and what to join a fun team, contact me! There is room for more!

I also return to Morbid Curiositease at 2 Fingers Social on November 14, where I will hopefully be unveiling my newest sideshow act.

See you around!

Maybe I can be part of the foundation that remains strong while the rest of the country crumbles. Maybe I can inspire others to stand strong with me. Does it crumble because it was build on faulty beams as a result of shortcuts and cheap labor?

The administration will fail. Authoritarianism never lasts. It’s not going to fizzle out, but end with a bang.

This is not an ending, but a beginning.

Hello to everyone who found me through the Written in the NW Book Fair! It means a lot to me that you were interested in my work enough to either buy a book or even sign up for my newsletter. The Book Fair was my first time ever being solely a vendor at an event, especially while flying solo (with the exception of my husband, Christopher, who was beside me for moral and mathematical support despite his sprained ankle). I didn’t feel nearly as prepared as I should have been, but I sold more than I expected and was able to talk to many of the book enthusiasts and some authors.

If, by any chance, you were unable to purchase one of my books and you wanted to, I finally have my own web store set up and I can ship directly to you, minimizing the involvement of the Bastardization of a Rainforest.

The link for the store is here. I will also be selling sideshow merch and other things as I begin creating them.

I’m working on getting that store and this Substack connected, in addition to the Substack using my domain since I abandoned the Adobe Portfolio system, but I’ve run into a few tech snags that I hope I’ll figure out this week.

In any case, the year is coming to an end and the holidays are upon us. I hope you are all well and you have a terrific end of the year despite the incoming administration.

Remember: We’ll be good people in spite of them.

Performing sideshow in Portland, Oregon with the Oddities and Curiosities Expo under my own show (my first time doing a 30 minute set without support from a troupe) went surprisingly much better than expected. The only support I had was Christopher, who for those shows performed as The Fiend (he likes the concept of the character, but does not want to keep that name… so we’ll see where that goes over time). We coordinated the trip, ran our own sound and music, and it was almost like we’ve done this before.

Technically, we have done this before. We’re not strangers to being traveling performers. We’re just never in charge of all of it. And honestly, I loved it even though it was a ton of work. My only wish is that we had an extra hand to sell merch when we were busy. I only had my books with me for this show, but more merch is definitely coming.

After 17 years, performing feels so natural. Even if half the time I am rambling nonsense on stage instead of following a script. I used to not talk at all, so I’m pretty proud that I can even think of words while on stage… or even interact with the audience.

Anyway, we didn’t run into any hiccups. The only thing that happened that could have been a disaster, was that my hand-me-down ladder for the Ladder of Machetes act split while I was on it and one of the machetes began to wobble. Luckily, Christopher is my safety and he immediately noticed it. It was thankfully our last show of the weekend, but now I have to find a new ladder to modify.

My next appearance is this Saturday at Artisan’s Books and Coffee in Everett, Washington. I am selling books and participating on a panel with other authors from the Horror Writers Association. I will also be leaving a few books on consignment for anyone who is interested in picking up copies later. It’s not a sideshow performance, but it will surely be a good time.

Stay strange!

But then I just stopped doing it.

Life is very overwhelming and doing things that benefit myself are always last on my to-do list… which honestly, is probably why I burn out with everything so quickly.

Anyway…

ANYWAY!

On FEBRUARY 29 (I know— that was forever ago now) I finally released my novella, Haunted Ones. It is most readily available on Amazon in paperback, hardcover, and ebook (but you should be able to have other stores order it. I may have a few copies for sale at some events in the near future). I must say, the hardcover is gorgeous with its glossy finish. The cover art was done by my good friend, Steven Archer, of Ego Likeness. He is an incredibly generous person and amazing artist. He has a library of work that he never ended up using and allows indie artists and writers to use them for their projects. I am grateful because right now, this girl is BROKE.

I got fired from training AI. Which is funny because it was either because I made the AI write anti-AI things or it was because of the dark content. They never exactly told me, so without feedback, I can only assume. I also didn’t quite take the gig seriously, so you reap what you sow, I guess.

Auditions are currently in progress for the audiobook and I am also working on the audio version of A Portrait of a Poison, which is my poetry chapbook (available everywhere).

I have been performing sideshow every once in a while with Morbid Curiositease at 2 Fingers Social in West Seattle. The last one was in February and I pulled a string of dicks out of my straitjacket!

And more recently, I performed four acts for the Hallow Ian Horror Hour series that will air in October on SCCaryTV (Seattle College Cable Television). Go to the aforementioned link to find where it screams and what channel you can catch it on in October. You can also watch the previous season, which hosts some more of my work.

I am currently KNEE DEEP in heartworm treatment for Willow Bug, so that is where most of my attention is. However, I will be joining Jeff Ferrell and Aurelio Voltaire in April to film their next project, Demonatrix. STOKED! (Am I allowed to say I’m working on it? I don’t even know. I’m just the key PA on this one.)

Anyway, I no longer have a “day job,” so I am trying to actually write full time until I open my own dog and horse training business… but I clearly just do everything as always.

Until next time,

Kino

Happy New Year! I know my newsletter fell off the face of the earth the past few months. A lot of changes happened in my personal life. If you follow my social media, then you likely know that my dog of 17 years, Reno, passed away around Thanksgiving. Shortly after, I adopted a Border Collie mix, named Willow, who has occupied a lot of my “free” time. Because of this, my planned release for Haunted Ones fell by the wayside. I am now planning on having it out by mid-February.

Early in December, I performed at 2 Fingers Social in West Seattle as a part of Morbid Curiositease. It was so much fun that I’m going back in February!

This past week, I starred in a music video by Dave Schecter. I am excited to see it and share it with you.

That is all for now and I will be back next month with another newsletter!

Upcoming Appearances

February 9, 2024: Kino B. Demented at 2 Fingers Social (Seattle, WA) with Morbid Curiositease

October 5, 2024: Kino B. Demented at Oddities and Curiosities Expo (Portland, OR)

Do you know what that means?

ANNOUNCEMENTS!

Pre-orders for the ebook version of Haunted Ones are now available on Amazon. It will be released December 1, 2023.

In the coming weeks, I will announce how you can pre-order the hardcover and paperback versions, which will be signed.

The cover art was created by Steven Archer of Ego Likeness.

Haunted Ones is my debut novel and it follows a high school girl, Donna Blyth, as she navigates a series of traumatizing events. The adults in her life know she’s a good kid with a good head on her shoulders. She’ll be fine. Healing just takes time… right?

October

This October, The Hallow Ian Horror Hour will be featuring some of my work (“Hangry” and “Spade”), including a short interview with yours truly. Details on how you can watch can be found at tappedhousetv.com.

And for now, that is all… See you soon in Spooky Season!

BUT IT WAS GORGEOUS.

Okay, so, what about August? It’s the middle of the month.

No appearances! No releases! Nothing!

However, I am hard at work doing the groom job and on some of the final revisions for The Haunted Ones. I’m determined to release it by Halloween, or at least set up pre-orders by Halloween. The plan for September, though, is to dive headfirst into my equestrian Youtube channel, Punk Equestrian.

Are You Watching Big Brother 25?

You may have seen a familiar face sweep the competition with integrity and psychological prowess. That face belongs to Hisam Goueli, who starred in my Averted Anthology microshort, DECLAWED!

The film is only linked because Youtube age-restricted it due to nudity and violence. Rightfully so.

Our society is shifting and people are becoming more and more conscious of what truly matters to them. I don’t know the data on it, but I’ve personally seen a lot of people questioning their work/life dynamic. Why do we overwork ourselves at a job that doesn’t make much sense to us only to come home and do chores, and never truly rest? Who is actually benefiting from this? Do we even benefit from the lifestyles that we are trying to afford by overworking?

I’m probably a little too bohemian, too punk, too out-of-the-box for the standard career-oriented person. No one knows how to define me because I have never followed a well-worn path. That’s fine with me.

Because I’m happy. I am all of the things I do and so much more. Equestrian, filmmaker, writer, performer, vegan, fairy tale monster, and super hero. All that matters to me anymore is that I enjoy life.

Sure, I want to “make it big” and “reach the top” of writing, filmmaking, and eventing… but I don’t want to do it by sacrificing my joy. I’ve been there and that sucks. Success is happiness. Success is enjoying life. Success is being content with who I am.

Anyway, I started a new job as Head Groom for Full Gallop Eventing. In a way, it is a dream job for me. It’s a lot of work, but I am having a great time doing it. Sure, it’s unrelated to the other side of my life, but that doesn’t matter to me. As I said, I don’t need to be defined by boundaries and labels. While everyone is uncertain about what technology is doing to their careers and lifestyles, I just continue on doing what I’ve always done — everything that brings me joy.

Well, hello, again! I’m thrilled that you have actually subscribed to my Substack, even as a free subscriber. It always amazes me that anyone even cares about what I have to say or what I’m doing.

In December, I was kicked by a horse and broke my rib. The healing process was annoying and I spent a lot of time on the couch. I had to sleep sitting up for a few days. If I lied down, I’d need help getting back up and half the time I screamed out in pain. This event put a lot of things in perspective for me. One of those things was that at any moment, I could lose everything I worked hard for. In all seriousness, if those hooves landed differently, I could have died. If I had died then, would I be happy with where I left my life?

Not really. That’s not to say I don’t love my life, but I have definitely spent a lot of time living for other people. My life has been out of balance for myself for quite some time. Whether I am trying to not hurt someone’s feelings or trying to make sure someone sees value in me… I’m not being honest with myself and sometimes I take other people’s emotional wellbeing over mine or even my animals’. And I can’t do that anymore.

So that’s kind of where this Substack comes in. I have an MFA in Creative Writing and I hardly write anymore. That changes now. Writing is my main job. I love it and I think I can have a huge impact on our society through writing. Sandy King Carpenter once told me I’m a great writer. Tara Hardy said I have the chops to make it a career. Why didn’t I listen?

Well, I got kicked by a horse and published a print copy of my first poetry book while I was healing. I’m listening now.

If you have received your copy, please leave a rating on Amazon or Goodreads. If you haven’t received a copy yet, Amazon is the best place to get one right now. However, you can get it through other major retailers. I will have copies for sale at upcoming shows where I’m allowed a merch table.

Upcoming Shows

I don’t have any dates to announce just yet, but there are some upcoming shows in the Seattle area. I will update this newsletter and my website kinobdemented.com when the dates are official. You can also contact me through my site to book me somewhere near you!

That’s all for now…

As we’re just coming into spring and I am coming out of being injured, life is starting to pick up. I am working on a few projects that I don’t think I can announce just yet, but one is a novel that has been in progress for a long time and I can finally see the finished project coming together. This one will also be self-published and will be open for pre-orders after I have settled on a few things for it.

I hope you all are well and thanks again for catching up with my brain.

~Kino

P.S. I had to give you a little Sven spam to spruce up the newsletter a bit for no other reason than he’s beautiful.

Subscribe now

HELLO!

Welcome to my new Substack. This will serve as a newsletter platform regarding news of my work, releases, appearances, etc. It’s also now my blog. For a long time, I was using Facebook to update my followers on this stuff, but as the social media landscape changes, more content seems to get lost and isn’t seen by the people who actually want to see it or would want to see it. I’m certainly not opposed to the algorithms, but I do find that they have their shortcomings. Hopefully, this Substack will be able to step in where social media platforms fail. I am also hoping using Substack will allow me to stop doomscrolling to a degree.

If you are hoping to keep up on my work and help build a supportive creative community, subscribing might be for you! There will be a set monthly free newsletter that updates you on all things happening. In addition, there will be sporadic blogs and posts. There will also be content exclusive to paid members, which will start off as short form fiction, but may expand to other things, like podcasts with guests.

The Neato Kino Patreon will still exist…

But that is going to be reserved for exclusively video and filmmaking through Neato Kino. This Substack is more for the side of things that is exclusive to me as an individual creator. I have a lot of business changes happening and have set new goals in my many pursuits, so I hope you join me for the journey.